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Random Irrelevant Musings

  • I hate those Schwab ads.  You know, the "Talk to Chuck" ones.  The first 15 seconds have the tone of some guy announcing to you that he had just been diagnosed with prostrate cancer juxtaposed by the last 15 upbeat irreverent seconds of music with a cartoon box imploring you to "Talk to Chuck."  Truly, the first time I saw the ads, I thought the guy was going to tell me that he had been diagnosed with some horrible disease.  "My doctor told me I had prostrate cancer.  I told him I wasn't feeling right down there.  And when I really needed him, do you know where he was? On the gold course, teeing off! Huh!"  <Upbeat jazz music kicks in.>  Beee-WEEEEP!  Ba-boom! Badda-da-da-DUM! <Then, in cartoon balloons.> "Talk to Doc!" "Think you're sick?"  "Come see us about a check-up!"
  • Speaking of ads, you know what those new ScottTrade ads remind me of, the ones with that Scott guy flying around in the helicopter?  Okay, first to set the stage, just to let you know that I'm not a total loser (Yeah right! - ed.) I used to get up at 4:30am when I was running my fund so I could be in the office by 6:00.  Normally, I have Bubblevision on first thing, but Bubblevision didn't start programing until 5:00.  So I'd flip around on the satellite for something to watch as I was getting ready.  And, as I discovered, a certain, er, viewership demands products that you normally don't find on Prime Time. In this case, I stumbled across a Girls Gone Wild half hour infomercial.  On that program, the proprietor of Girls Gone Wild gets on a plane to go to wherever girls get wild!  For some reason, whenever I see Scott in his helicopter, I envision him off to Panama City Beach to find some babes willing to pull their shirts over their heads.  I don't know why.  Maybe because the ScottTrade ads are just as cheesy.
  • Finally on advertising, do you remember when American Express marketed itself as an exclusive club of well-to-do people (which was always remarkable to me since they had something like 30 million "exclusive" members at the time)?  Well, that once high-brow corporation is now using lyrics from Spinal Tap in its latest ad campaign.  From Gimme Some Money - "Stop wasting my time.  You know what I want.  You know what I need.  Or maybe you don't.  Do I have to come flat right out and tell you everything?  Gimme some money!"  I have to say, those are some of the funniest lyrics I have ever heard!  I wonder if Amex executives knows this.
  • Speaking of executives knowing, when I was in MBA, the Goldman Sachs recruiting video we saw ran Metallica scores in the background as the investment banker intoned on about how wonderful Goldman was.  I wonder if the top brass of Goldman knew they were being associated with a group that was once known as "Alcohollica"?
  • Bubblevision is running something called "Trading with the Stars."  My question is, who the hell are these people?  I thought "stars" meant people who were famous.  Apparently, there is a great deal of title inflation in Hollywood.  Anyways, instead of "Trading with the Stars", I'd rather see something more interesting like "Trading with the Mafia" or "Trading with Gangsta Rappers."  I'd be interested in knowing what 50 Cent was buying.  Or maybe "Trading with the Anarchists" or "Trading with the Marxists."  Maybe they could get some guy wearing a bandanna over his face in the jungles of south America giving us his stock picks.  Or "Trading with Hockey Enforcers" or "Trading with Ultimate Fighters" or "Trading with Unknown Local Municipal Politicians" or "Trading with Playmates."  Oh wait, they've already done the last one.  Well do it again!  Just so long as its not "Trading with George Gilder."
  • One of the "stars" is some guy named Chris Moneymaker.  He, as I understand it, plays cards for a living.  I don't know what, but I think he's the world champion at "Go Fish" or something.  Apparently, he makes a lot of money playing Go Fish.  And the amazing thing is his last name is "Moneymaker"  What are the odds?  He makes a lot of money and his last name is "Moneymaker!" Must be a gazillion to one.  Good thing his last name wasn't "Latrinewasher".
  • Did you figure out I had Bubblevision on this afternoon?
  • Lenny Dykstra is writing a column over at RealMoney.  I'm going to call up George Soros and get his opinions on who should be the opening day pitcher for the Blue Jays next week.
  • At 3:48 today, the REIT ETF, ticker IYR, on which I own long-dated puts, was trading down $0.666.  It was at that time that I knew God had blessed my trade.  Down Satanic commercial REITs! Down!
  • England barely beat Andorra today.  Andorra has a population less than many apartment buildings.
  • I went and saw the new iMacs at lunch yesterday.  They are really, really cool. I almost bought one on the spot.  Boy, Windows looks tired.
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